


Absolution

by Wildspringflower06



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: also this is definitely hinting at buddie let's be real here, this show really delivers on the hurt but I need more comfort!, trigger warning for mentions of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 06:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20990186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildspringflower06/pseuds/Wildspringflower06
Summary: “What was Buck’s homelife like growing up?”“What?” Maddie said, huffing uncomfortably. “What does that have to do with-?” She gestured feebly at the hospital room behind her.“It doesn’t, I mean, not super directly?” Eddie shook his head with a sigh, “Look, since I found him at the VA hospital, the only consistent thing he’s said to me is that he’s sorry. He barely talks otherwise, and he practically won’t look at me at all. It’s like he’s just-just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> So this was definitely inspired by some posts I've seen on tumblr talking about how the Buckley's parents could potentially be not the best. Also I just like to be mean to my boys I guess. *shrugs*

It was a few little things at first, nothing too big, innocuous even. Things that, on their own, probably wouldn’t have meant much, but when compounded, started to paint a picture Eddie wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to see.

It all came to a head though after the tsunami. When Buck had stuttered through a recounting of the events that led to him being there and Christopher being lost, literally the last thing on Eddie’s mind was the deeper meaning behind Buck’s words. He’d barely been able to process them at face value, let alone decipher any hidden undertones.

Buck had been rushed to the hospital not long after, mumbling apologies the whole way, although he seemed so entirely out of it Eddie wasn’t even sure he was aware of what he was saying.

But then again, when Buck awoke in the hospital, immediately after inquiring as to Christopher’s health he dove headfirst back into his seemingly never-ending reservoir of apologies. Eddie had brushed them off with a gentle command for Buck to go back to sleep. But as the man’s glazed eyes drifted shut, Eddie couldn’t quell the slight tremor of unease that was resting firmly in the pit of his stomach.

It was early the following day, probably around 4am. Christopher was fast asleep on the extra cot in Buck’s room, and aside from them Maddie was the only one around.

Eddie sighed heavily, fighting against the drooping of his eyelids. He stood, wincing as his knees and hip popped, protesting the long hours of disuse. “Hey, I’m gonna go grab a cup of coffee. Want me to bring you back one?” He whispered.

Maddie’s attention turned from wherever she had been spacing out to and she smiled at Eddie warmly, “That sounds really nice actually, thank you.”

So that’s what led to Eddie standing outside the hospital room not ten minutes later. He hadn’t meant to be eavesdropping, it had just sort of happened. He’d adjusted the coffee cups so he could get the door all the way open when he’d heard his name passed about the hushed voices in the room.

“Why wouldn’t Eddie be furious with me?” Buck rasped.

Eddie winced, it sounded like Buck had lost a round with a chainsaw.

“Evan, I’ve told you, he’s not mad. He’s just happy that you and Christopher are alright.” Maddie whispered back.

The room was quiet for a moment, then Buck spoke up again, “He probably just doesn’t want to cause a scene here. He hates me Mads, I know it. Right now he’s just acting civil, being mature about it. He’s never gonna wanna see me again after this.”

“Buck,” Maddie began, her voice growing a little louder with her conviction.

Eddie felt a dagger of ice penetrate his heart, absolutely floored by the fact that Buck seemed to genuinely believe he hated him.

With a shake of his head, Eddie made sure to make some noise before entering, giving the siblings some warning and hoping to absolve himself of any suspicion. “Here you go.” He handed the still steaming cup to Maddie before flashing Buck the warmest smile his tired face was able to muster, “Hey buddy, how you feeling?”

Buck’s face was averted, staring at the ground intently. “Alright.” He whispered, giving a non-committal, half-shouldered shrug in response. “’M still pretty tired.”

“Well why don’t you get some more rest, someone will be here to check up on you when you wake up.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Within minutes Buck’s eyes had slid shut and his breathing evened out to a rhythm that indicated sleep. Maddie sighed heavily and collapsed against the flimsy plastic back of her chair, she looked more exhausted than Eddie felt.

Which was why Eddie almost didn’t ask after the slowly piling stack of minor details about Buck that he had been accumulating. Almost.

“Hey, can I talk to you in the hall for a sec?”

Maddie glanced up at him in surprise but quickly let that fall aside, giving him a small smile and nodding, “Yeah for sure.”

They stepped out into the hallway and Eddie slid the door shut softly behind them, already feeling uncomfortable with what he had to ask.

“So what’s up?” Maddie looked up at him with tired yet expectant eyes.

“Look, this is maybe going to seem like a weird question, but it’s really bothering me and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something more here that I’m not getting.”

Maddie’s eyebrows furrowed, “Eddie I’m not following, what do you mean?”

Eddie released a measured breath and before he could think better of it, blurted out the question that had been weighing on him for some time. “What was Buck’s homelife like growing up?”

“What?” Maddie said, huffing uncomfortably. “What does that have to do with-?” She gestured feebly at the hospital room behind her.

“It doesn’t, I mean, not super directly?” Eddie shook his head with a sigh, “Look, since I found him at the VA hospital, the only consistent thing he’s said to me is that he’s sorry. He barely talks otherwise, and he practically won’t look at me at all. It’s like he’s just-just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Maddie’s shoulders sagged and a sad but knowing look captured her face, “You heard our conversation didn’t you?”

“I didn’t mean to.” Eddie said by way of apology.

“Look, he’s just tired, he’s been through a lot.” Maddie responded, but she sounded tired, resigned, as though she knew she wouldn’t be able to convince him to drop the subject. “Why are you even asking, I mean, has he said anything to you?”

Eddie shook his head, arms crossed over his chest. He shuffled his feet awkwardly but stood his ground. “It’s more about what I’ve noticed.”

“Which is what?”

Eddie tried not to flinch at her tone, he knew she was just being defensive of her baby brother, and she had every right to be. But he’d already started his line of questioning, and at that point he wasn’t sure he would be able to drop it and remain sane. “He almost died, this is-shit three times now.” Even as Eddie said the number it sounded far too high. He’d really have to try and look after Buck in the future, so these late night hospital visits didn’t become too regular of a thing. “You almost died. You’ve both spend a significant amount of time in the hospital, but no one visited, or called. Buck very rarely talks about his childhood, and when he does it’s always stories with you. There’s never any holiday cards, birthday cards, no phone calls or texts. He has virtually zero self-preservation skills, and his care-free, cocky personality he presents to the world is one massive act to hide his, frankly staggering, lack of self-confidence. And now this?” Eddie paused, gesturing to the hospital room. His tone sounded angrier than he’d intended, but his best friend was hurting, and he felt helpless. He hated feeling helpless. “Maddie, he is convinced I hate him, and he’s blaming himself for what happened in a _natural disaster_.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean-”

Maddie began to protest, but Eddie was quick to cut her off. He didn’t mean to snap, he was just growing frustrated, he couldn’t understand why she kept denying it, like he wasn’t already almost one hundred percent certain of what was going on. “Come on Maddie, don’t give me that bullshit. I know what survivors of abuse look like.”

Maddie swallowed thickly and blinked her eyes several times, refusing to look Eddie in the face. “Look, I appreciate your concern, I can tell you really care about my brother Eddie, and that means a lot to me. But do you really believe this is a conversation for us to be having?”

“I know,” Eddie’s tone shifted, to something softer, a little more desperate, his entire face morphing into a non-verbal plea. “Believe me I get it. I wouldn’t be asking you about it except Buck is refusing to talk to me, and I’m so scared I’m just gonna say something or do something to make it even worse.”

Maddie sighed, teeth worrying the inside of her lip as she contemplated her options. Finally she seemed to come to a conclusion, nodding softly and looking more miserable than Eddie had ever seen her. “Yeah. Yeah he was abused. Our uh- our dad. Not that our mother ever did anything to stop it.” Maddie’s sadness quickly gave way to a frustrated rage.

Eddie released a measured breath. Sure, he’d had his suspicions, but it was one thing to suspect your best friend had come from an abusive home, and another entirely to actually have it confirmed. “How bad?”

“Um, he got slapped around a lot. Bruises on his arms and wrists from being grabbed too tight, the occasional “fall down a flight of stairs”. God.” Maddie’s eyes spoke of guilt and rage, clearly still upset with her own perceived part in the abuse. “But most of it was emotional. Just, being told his family hated him when he couldn’t do something right, that he was useless and worthless without a purpose in life. Being made to feel like even his best wasn’t good enough. And, oh god.” Maddie gasped, head tilting towards the ceiling as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Blamed for everything, no matter how far out of anyone’s control it was. Even natural disasters.”

Eddie felt like his insides had just been cleaved out entirely, “Something like this has happened before?”

Maddie nodded, breath stuttering, “I’d already moved out. A tornado went through, no one was hurt thankfully but, that didn’t matter to our father. I remember Buck calling me, and he was so upset and confused. And he just, he couldn’t understand you know? So I just told him to leave, to get outta there. I said there was no point in putting forth effort to try and please a man who could never be satisfied.” Maddie laughed bitterly, she wiped at her eyes, doing her best not to smear the day-old makeup that was still on. “Ironic, I know. It’s so easy to give advice from the outside. But he’d listened. And then soon enough he was telling me about this amazing new job, and the wonderful woman he’d met. And I believed him when he told me he was doing better. I should’ve known it would take longer for him to be able to move on from that.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Eddie whispered gently, wanting to step forward and offer some sort of physical comfort but still feeling awkward, he was the reason she was crying after all. “Buck’s really good at getting people to only see what he wants them to see.”

Maddie smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, “But you saw through it.”

Eddie’s ears burned and he hoped they weren’t nearly as red as they felt. “I just-I’m an observer, I just paid close attention is all.”

“I’m glad Ev has someone like you in his life.”

“Yeah, I like being a part of it. And I’d really like to keep it that way.” Eddie glanced up with a nervously hopeful smile, deferring to the expert as to what he should do so he didn’t royally screw anything up.

Maddie smiled gently, “I’m not gonna lie, he’s going to be difficult for a while. This was a huge, terrifying ordeal, and in his eyes? A serious infraction. So right now he’s distancing himself. He’s pulling away, trying to get out first, so that when you pull the plug and run, he’s already prepared.

“But I’m not going to do that” Eddie breathed, body tense and a desperate tinge to his voice.

“I know,” Maddie reassured, gripping his biceps strongly and looking into his eyes intently. “_I _know. I’m just telling you what Evan is doing, what his coping mechanism is.”

Eddie nodded slowly, breathing a little more calmly as Maddie released her grip. “So what do I do?”

“Be here, no matter how hard he tries to push you away. Show him that what happened doesn’t matter, that you’re not upset, that your opinion of him hasn’t changed. That despite _everything_, you still trust him. And just be patient, it’s probably going to take a while but he’ll come back around eventually.”

Eddie sighed, he felt like he needed to sit alone for a while just to digest all the information he’d received.

“Can you do that?” Maddie questioned, dipping her head to once again make eye contact.

Eddie saw so many emotions reflected in her eyes: fear, sadness, anger, regret, but there was also hope, and trust, and pride, and gratitude. Eddie smiled, nodding his head strongly. “Yeah, yeah I can do that.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what his plan was yet, but he knew he’d never been more sure of anything than he was at that moment. But as the night wore on, the first buds of a plan began to take root. Of how he could prove that nothing had changed between them, show Buck that he wasn’t upset, that he didn’t hold the man accountable for anything that had happened.

The noise in the hospital began to pick up as it switched from the graveyard to the day shift, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile. His plan was going to take a little time to enact, due solely to the fact it required Buck to be out of the hospital and able to take care of himself. But Eddie had no doubt it was going to work. Because what better way was there to show Buck he was trusted; wholly, entirely, unconditionally, than with Christopher?


End file.
